


Work Title

by cxasandt



Category: Undertale
Genre: Drinking, F/F, F/M, Literally the reader does not even meet sans till chapter 3, M/M, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, bone hell, gonna add tags as needed, gun tw, im skeleton trash, knife tw, prepare for the slowest slow burn ever, probable smut, reader - Freeform, reader is female, reader is private investigator, tags are gonna change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-10 13:58:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5588722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxasandt/pseuds/cxasandt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Private Investigator for hire by anyone with no questions asked." you should really rethink your slogan, especially after you get hired to follow a child who's in league with a bunch of monsters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Wait, what?” You whispered into the phone.  
“I want to hire you to follow monsters.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
That’s how you got here. In your car, drinking your third coffee, a block away from a convenience store with binoculars in hand. After all, you were a private investigator, _no questions asked_ was what you sold yourself with.  
Sure, humans were weary of monsters when they first erupted out of Mt. Ebott, and SURE there were the racists and such, and S U R E people didn’t want them around, but no one did anything about it. That is, until certain government officials hired you to get something dirty on them to start a war. Of course, under the table. God forbid you get hired cleanly. God forbid you do something for the greater good. But hey, at least they paid more than well.  
The target in question was actually human, however. Frisk was their name apparently, according to documents that also labeled them as the “Ambassador of Monsters.” Gender: ???? Age: ????  
Race” ???? Basically, no information on the 4ft. high child was given to you. And of course, you had to get more information. That’s what you were hired to do.  
You felt bad for the child. Targeted by people like the ones who hired you. You’re pity almost reached towards the monsters that always seemed to be at the child’s side. Almost.  
Unfortunately, in your line of business, you trusted no one. Especially not monsters. You weren’t racist or anything. You just didn’t know what to expect.  
You knew everything about humans. Their body language and what makes them sick. After all, you were human. Monsters, on the other hand, you knew nothing about.  
From a quick search on the internet you learned somewhat from the Q &A’s that the monster royalties had taken part in. Comprised of magic and “kindness.” They just wanted to live under the sky. However, not everyone bought that story. You included.  
Speaking of monster royalty, the little human and queen finally exited the convenience store. Through a look of your binoculars at the end of the street, you made out what you thought to be ketchup, spaghetti noodles, and ice cream. You questioned the fact that they had just bought similar items the previous day: rigatoni noodles, ketchup, and pocky.  
“How much ketchup and pasta do you need?” you muttered to yourself. You wrote it down in your notebook under the correct day and started the engine to circle around the block to follow them. Watching the monster and child get into the car, you took a shortcut to where you knew they would be next.  
You came to the apartment complex that was rented out for monsters only, provided by the government. The king, queen, and ambassador had a large house the the government had offered them soon after their arrival, but they ended up giving it to several lesser monsters who couldn’t get an apartment at the complex all the other monsters lived in. Points for pity, you thought.  
In any case, you had also been giving a room in an apartment complex just across the street from the monster one. It had mostly cleared out in time since the monsters moved in, so it was easy for you to get something cheap, even if the government was paying for it.  
You parked your car behind the complex, where no monster or human could see it unless they were in between your building and the wooden fence. So, unless they were looking for it. You exited your car, grabbed your belongings and walked inside from a side entrance, hoping no one would get in your way from your scurry to your door on the third floor.  
“I don’t get paid enough for this,” you grumbled to yourself as you dug through your messenger bag for your apartment key. Your legs hurt.  
You entered your sad-looking apartment and went to the living room window where your equipment was set up. A tripod with a camera at the end, a computer collecting the information, another camera set on the window seal, and a radio that was getting direct feed from the microphone that was planted inside a piece of furniture arranged by a government agent for you (under the table, of course.) Other than that, there was only a TV on the floor in the living room and a bean-bag chair directly across. Down the hall was simply a mattress with two heavy blankets and a mountain of pillows that you had dragged from your home.  
You whimpered. You missed home.  
Speaking of, “Hello?” you answered your phone after it had rang a few times.  
“_______! How are you?” Your sister, May, cheered.  
“Good, good. How are you and Vampire?” You asked, worried about your cat.  
“We’re both doing good. He misses you though. Any clue when you’re going to be back?”  
“Nah. They paid me in advance for the next week but I’m still being promised another check so at minimum of two weeks.”  
“Are you sleeping at all?”  
You chuckled a little, “As much as I can,”  
“You sound horrible.”  
“Love you too,” you smiled.  
“Love you more. Just don’t overdo it okay? I don’t know who you’re investigating or who you're investigating for, but it's not worth your health.”  
Classic May. “You got it, dude.” You smiled.  
“Talk to you later. Text me.”  
“Bye May.”  
“Bye.”  
She hung up. You were left alone again.  
Sighing, you turned on the radio and dug in your bag for your binoculars again. Peeking into the side of the window, you remained obscured by your curtains while the queen’s curtains were wide open, as normal during the day.  
You made it just in time for her and Frisk to walk through the door, with the groceries still in hand plus another bag you had not seen.  
“Must have made another stop.” You said aloud to yourself. A bad habit you picked up whenever you were alone.  
Frisk sat themselves on the couch with their back to you, so you could only make out a fraction of their head over the cushions. The queen placed the unknown bag on the floor of the entryway and continued to the kitchen, outside of your view.  
The TV was flicked on the same channel it always was, with the same robotic actor on any and all gossip show their was. You could hear their voice through the radio feed, becoming familiar with their metallic voice filtered through different radio-waves making it unbearably uncomfortable and chilling. Instead you just listened to the queen’s and Frisk’s small noises. The queen in the kitchen, and Frisk giggling along to whatever was being said.  
“Child,” the queen eventually called out, “Do you know when the others will be over?”  
You could make out small movements as always as Frisk signed. No noise erupted from them and in the first few days of observing them you were so confused. At first you were scared cause you thought the queen could read minds since Frisk never seemed to talk, then it came apparent to you when you saw Frisk sign for the first time. You felt like an idiot.  
“Oh? That’s wonderful! I have made more than enough. It will be a little longer before all of the pasta is ready.”  
Your stomach grumbled. _Food._  
You placed your binoculars on the table your computer rested and went into your kitchen. Opening the rusted and old refrigerator you were met with a sad sight. Cheese sticks and soda. That was it. You sighed and sunk to your knees.  
“I really hate this.” You murmured. As much as you _loved_ to dig up dirt on people, you hated the drawbacks of a long investigation. The only thing that kept you motivated was money. You were human, after all.  
Taking out your cellphone from its previous place in your back pocket, you dialed the agent assigned to take care of your needs, the bastard. You disliked the fact that if you got caught it was all on you and will receive no help from the people who hired you, but gave you your own sort of a butler if you needed anything.  
Which at this moment in time, was Chinese takeout.  
**Hey, grab me som**  
However, halfway through your message, a loud noise erupted from the radio. You rushed over to your window to peek in on what was happening.  
A familiar skeleton had bursted through the door, Papyrus, you had learned the name (after all of the “I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS,” talk.) The same one that had been coming over everyday for the past week. Behind him was a strongly-built fish woman that you had seen twice before and a shorter yellow reptilian person who you only ever saw with the fish woman. A few moments later, a short stranger walked in behind them as well. It was hard to make out but he appeared to have a skull-head or just a really, really white face.  
They all greeted each other with meaningless “Hellos,” and “How have you been’s.” Apparently the fish woman was Undyne and she and her girlfriend, the short lizard woman, Alphys had been living on a college campus getting Alphys accredited with her monster degree. “Do monsters have college?” You muttered to yourself. The conversation was lost to you for a while, just watching them carefully looking for any hidden messages and slight of hand. After a bit Undyne, Papyrus, and the Queen went into the kitchen and the two short ones were left behind in front of the couch.  
Alphys, you learned was a woman of many many stuttered words. However, what you didn’t realise at the time was that the stranger that entered had said nothing upon arrival.  
“H-h-hey Sans? Are y-you o-o-okay? Y-you haven’t-t said a w-w-word.” Alphys said, echoing your thoughts after they shared either an uncomfortable silence or a one-sided conversation being held by Frisk, who had their back to you.  
“ _tibia_ -honest,” _Definitely a skeleton_ “i feel like someone’s been watching us since we came inside.” He was murmuring low, but was unfortunately standing near the table with the microphone.  
You felt your sins crawling on your back.  
“I-I-I’m sure it’s j-j-just your n-n-nerves.”  
“i don’t know, i just feel it in my _bones._ ”  
Frisk giggled and signed. “heh. you’re probably right kid.” His gaze traveled upwards toward your direction. “you’re probably right.”


	2. Chapter 2

**I think I’ve been compromised.**   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You had been lying on the floor in a paranoid heap. _Heh. A paranoid private investigator,_ the radio having been long turned off. It had been a long time since you felt this anxious. Most emotions you have just kinda…. disappear when you assume your second persona, unless given an unfortunate amount of stress.   
And in a second, it disappeared.   
With a deep, _deep_ exhale, you emptied yourself again.   
You looked at your phone which had been going off since your incriminating text.  
 **Do you need back-up?**  
 **________, are you ok?**  
 **Answer**  
 **I’m on my way**  
You smiled a bit. Philip, as much as you hated him for the assholes he worked for, you appreciated his concern.   
**Bring coffee and chinese.**  
You picked yourself up off the floor, careful to avoid the window. Slinking over to your computer, you played-back the video feed with 3x speed, giving the voices a funny pitch.  
“heh, you’re probably right kid… you’re probably right.” Sans’s voice cut in.   
“C-c-come on guys, I think they need help.” Alphys squeaked. Frisk and Alphys went out of your view just as Sans looked toward the camera again. You felt chills run down your skin, goosebumps erupting on you. You breathed, _in the past, in the past,_ you told yourself. Sans slowly shuffled around the couch, coming closer and closer to the window until you could finally see him press his bony hand to the window, saying something you could barely hear. Grabbing the curtain, he cut off your view of the apartment.   
“Son of a----” Your voice got cut off as knocks rang through the door.  
Walking over to the door, you were greeted by a very worried Philip with coffee and a brown paper bag in his hands. “________, what happened?” 

Stuffing crab rangoons in your mouth, you listened carefully to the adjacent apartment’s conversations while examining the video that you _did_ have of the day.   
Scribbling in your faithful notebook, you labelled each monster.  
 _Undyne: possible threat  
Loud outbursts, seems to want to fight everyone, somewhat narcissistic, willful, protective_

_Alphys: low threat  
Shy, soft-spoken, genius, seems to be Undyne’s limiter (girlfriend)_

_Papyrus: possible threat  
On par with Undyne but somewhat ignorant, do not anger, hates puns??? brother of sans, spaghetti???_

_Sans: ???  
Said to be lazy, suspicious (possibly paranoid)…. _ You bit your lip for a moment in thought, _pun-tastic._  
You smiled to yourself.  
Turning in your computer chair you faced Philip who was in your bean-bag chair watching the same channel Frisk had been watching earlier. In the background of the radio you could hear that they were watching the same thing, if not a bit delayed.  
“Thanks for the food run.” You say, holding out your last ragoon.  
He merrily accepted it, “No problem.” He nodded toward the window, “What do you think about the skeleton?”  
Shrug. “I don’t know if it’s anything but we’ll find out. You think I can get off this job anytime soon?”  
Philip smirked and looked down, “I don’t know. These guys really don’t want the monsters to have any standing and....” He trailed off.  
“And they want me to get the dirt as quietly as possible.”  
He nodded with a side-smirk.   
Philip was an decent-looking man. You weren’t interested in him, but he did have looks as much as he had personality. He was taller than you by a few inches, and had a nice beard growing on his chiseled jaw. His hair was… floofie… if anything. He looked strong, even under the giant coat he was wearing.   
Then there’s you. Average by all means. Outside of work you were the sunshine, always smiling and _better_ rested. Now, however, you were a few days without rest or showers. You were sporting a pair of your favorite yoga pants and a white-tee under a heavy coat of your own. The apartment tended to be more cold. Really cold.   
Sighing and running your hands through your greasy mop of hair, you lifted yourself to grab your favorite drink from the fridge. In the middle of opening it a loud sound erupted from the radio, one that you were familiar with.   
After the door had settled from being slammed open on the delivering end of the radio, a metallic voice rang out, “Hello darlings!”   
Furrowing your brows and wishing you had video, you looked toward Philip who was looking at you, “Hey… isn’t that…” He began but what cut of by Papyrus.  
“METTATON! YOU MADE IT.”  
“Well of course! Anything for my favorite f-fans.”  
“U-u-uh Mettaton? You s-s-sound like y-your picking-g up st-static.” Alphys chimed in.   
“I-I feel like i-it.”  
“what would that mean?” San said.  
“I-i-it could m-mean that s-someone-ne has a m-m-mic in h-here, b-b-but th-that’s-s sil…”   
Loud, earbursting static rang out from the radio, making you and Philip cover your ears. “Aha! F-found it!” Mettaton yelled happily.   
There was uncomfortable silence, you and Philip staring at each other in disbelief.   
“someone wants to have a bad time.” You heard finally before the feed went dead.   
All of the color had been drained from your face and you found it hard to keep yourself up. Finally you found yourself muttering to yourself, “In all of my short amount of years doing this bullshit I have never ever had someone that was able to find me out oveR ONLY A FEW DAYS OF FUC--” Your voice had began to yell when Philip came up towards you, “SON OF A BITCH,” you screamed, finishing your thoughts from previous that day.   
“Hey, hey you’re fine, we can get another mic in there.”  
“Why? So that fucking skeleton can close the curtain again muttering some shi---” Your face scrunched in confusion. He had said something right?  
Hurrying to the computer you played back the video from when you had visual. Philip had come up behind you watching your hands move across the keyboard. “He’s saying something right?” You question.  
“Maybe? He doesn’t move his jaw to speak.”  
“I don’t think he has a jaw…” you muttered, increasing the volume.  
“h p n o ne w n ts o ha a b d t me.” You could hear something… but what?  
The volume reached its max, “hope no one wants to have a….”  
“Bad time.” You echo his previous words.   
You felt like you were going to have a very bad time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a shorter chapter! Happy New Years! More tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets drunk so T;W alcohol.

**”No. No. No. No. No. Fuck this.”** You shook your head, almost at your breaking point.  
“Holy shit…” Philip muttered under his breath.  
“I’m not doing it! Nope! I’m **done.** ”  
_What kind of all-knowing bullshit was this? I’m not being paid enough for this bull crap, I can’t deal with this._  
Calming yourself enough to raise yourself from the ground you ran to the bathroom to start packing your things. “What are you doing?” Philip called.  
**”LEAVING.”** You yelled as you slammed the door.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You knew you wouldn’t have gotten far. It was late at night and you were, in fact, contracted by some of the most powerful men in the county.  
You couldn’t afford to assume a new identity either. Still, it didn’t stop you from walking all the way to some no-name bar. The cold, brisk air was met with a sudden warmth when you opened the door. It was one you had been to before, so you weren’t surprised when you saw it chock full with monsters and human alike.  
You sat yourself at a red faux-leather seat by the bar. Sinking into it, you sighed heavily. It seemed like your little nest of comfort you had around this whole monster-tailing (heh) thing was destroyed by some higher-power. _Were they godly? Could they_ feel _or_ see _me?_ You shook your head, _no, you would have been caught a week ago if that were the case._ What bugged you the most is that you had never seen the short one before. _Sans._ You giggled to yourself for a fraction of a second. Two skeletons both named after fonts. How ridiculous. But then you remembered the look in his face. It was like he _knew._ But he wasn’t the one who found the mic, it was the robot. So maybe it was just a coincidence. Maybe you were overthinking. Maybe it was just your imagination. _Still._ You thought. You could still be in deep trouble.  
Sighing you ran your hands along the worst of your scars. On the side of your body, right below the ribs was a white scar. It ran from your left shoulder blade diagonal toward your belly button. It was three-ish years ago when you had gotten it from your first police-consulting job. You shuttered at the memory. That’s why you were a private investigator now. You’d always wanted to become an investigator, but do to physical limitations you couldn’t become a police officer. And considering who your father was, you got targeted at college when you tried to pursue your investigator-career. You figured you could skip the school part, away from evil peers and prying teachers (who were investigators themselves) and become a consultant. But that proved to be too much, after all of the begging you got yourself mortally wounded, and you barely came out alive. That’s probably when you became a different person, too. Able to detach yourself. So, here you were. In a run-down hand-me-down bar, with a fire monster coming to take your order.  
You ordered the strongest whiskey he could offer. He nodded mutely and brought you a chilled glass and the bottle you’d be drowning yourself with. Ignoring the glass, you rested your elbow on the bar and dropped your head in your hand. Looking at the wall next to you, avoiding eye-contact you drank straight out of the bottle.  
“God I’m such a lightweight…” You said as you felt yourself getting a bit tipsy after half the first bottle. That didn’t stop you from finishing it and moving onto your next one.  
“Heh. That’s an understatement.” You continued to yourself. Feeling more comfortable, you looked out towards the bar. There were more monsters than there were people, but no one seemed to care. Everyone was just munching and drinking away gleefully like it wasn’t in the middle of the work-week or anything.  
_Ugh. Work._ You pouted to yourself. You knew you would have to go back and do other people’s dirty work until they got what they wanted or until you couldn’t go on. Hell, that was the only way you could get out of this. The powerful basterds had made sure to cover their asses. If you tattled on them then you’d get in more trouble. They could buy themselves out of it of course. And hell considering how much power they actually had you could, “become a target and get killed right off the bat like the throwable piece of shit that I am…” you continued your thought aloud earning a confused look from the bartender, you raised your empty bottle, silently asking for another.  
He took a long look at you before he walked over to you with a new bottle.  
He lingered for a moment, making you a little irritable. You uncomfortably straightened your back and looked him dead in the eye, “If I wanted to be judged I would have drank at my mother’s house.” You said with a straight face. That seemed to make him flustered as a pink blush washed over his flammable-face.  
You chuckled once to yourself, _way to go, I just can’t help being a bitch even if I’m drunk._  
Removing the bottle from your mouth you let you head fall to the bar with an unfortunate thump. You let your head lol to the side and sighed loudly. “What have I gotten myself into…?” You whimpered to yourself.  
That’s when you felt the seat beside you become occupied. Not bothering to view whoever decided to get near your bulbering-drunken self, you sunk deeper into your chair and on the table.  
You watched water droplets fall down the bottle of whiskey and felt the bartender get closer judging from the heat he gave off. You were about to tell him off again for disturbing your nice little pity-party when the person next to you spoke.  
“hey grillby. i’ll take the usual.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters to keep everyone appeased and me on schedule ;)

**Author's Note:**

> I know the first chapter is kinda bad but it'll pick up! Also more details of the reader will go in depth in future chapters and the tags will probably change a lot.


End file.
